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Health & Fitness

Celebrating Champions!- Meet Jolie Murray~Perryman

Many people dont know October is also Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Each week we are featuring survivors of abuse..Check out this week's story.

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month and we are featuring the story of one survivor of abuse each week.  Check out survivor number two—Jolie Murray Perryman

Her Story

"I wish I could talk about the one man who turned my world upside down because of ... his abuse, but unfortunately it wasn’t just one. I chose four consecutive men that I would one day call my abusers. Each of these men had beaten, humiliated, and degraded me and each was progressively worse than the last one. Spanning from the age of 26 to 38, I was swept into a pattern of choosing abusive men.

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But I’ve since learned that my escape could only take place until I was ready for the abuse to end. In September of 2008, the final abusive incident took place when I was hit repeatedly in the head with a metal ladle in front of my then 2 year old son. At that point I called the police for the first time after twelve years of being hit by men.

My healing didn’t take place immediately; I thought that just being rid of him would be enough. I sought counseling, but my heart wasn’t in it. I only went because I thought it was the right thing to do. There were other issues which I believed required my attention, my mental health, which crashed when the judge declared this man “not guilty” because the arresting officer could not recall anything. I moved out of my home leaving everything behind and into a shelter, mostly out of fear, with my two little boys, 8 and 3 at the time, and began a new life free of violence.

The shelter I moved into was not your typical one. I called St. Martin de Porres in desperation to get somewhere safe for myself and my sons even though it was not a domestic violence shelter. Part of the mission of St. Martin’s is to end, not merely suspend, the despair and dependence of homelessness.


There I received eight months of treatment at no cost to me, which is truly the greatest gift I have everreceived. While in the shelter I was introduced to Harmony Hope & Healing which is a creative music program that provides dignity and self-esteem to those who are homeless and underserved in the Chicago area. Through music I found myself beginning to heal. The abuse I experienced caused me
to diminish my own intelligence. I had been silenced. My human rights had been violated. I needed to find my voice and music helped me do that.

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I accepted an internship with Harmony Hope & Healing when I moved out of the shelter into my own apartment. After six months internship ended, I was offered a part-time position as a Music Program Assistant. In this role, I facilitate therapeutic music groups in shelters around the city of Chicago, where I live, and accompany the Harmony Hope & Healing Choir to area events. Through this position I
have grown tremendously by walking with these women on their own various journeys.

Many of them have stories similar to mine. While others have different experiences, I always find a connection with them on a deeper level. Through this work I have learned in my own weakness, I can still participate in the healing of others. I spent many, many years of my life suffering endlessly and needlessly over the same kind of man - and sometimes the SAME man— and when I finally figured out what was going so wrong and was able to turn things around for myself, I realized I could help other women by sharing exactly what I did to change my life.

This worked well for me until a young woman asked me a question at speaking engagement about my experiences given at an all-girls’ high school. The question was, “Have you ever been to counseling?” I simply smiled and said, “Yes, briefly.” In that moment I realized that answer was no longer good enough, at least not for me.

Although nearly two years had elapsed since my last abusive incident, I was still harboring feelings of
fear, resentment, and apprehension towards members of the opposite sex; along with the
righteous indignation over the outcome of my court case. If that weren’t enough, my final abuser began
making “appearances”. Suddenly he would pull up in car while I waited for the bus. After discussing
these developments with my support system, it was suggested I return to domestic violence counseling.

When I began counseling at Wellspring Center for Hope, I noticed right away my attitude toward the process was completely different. Gone was the sense of entitlement, the attention and sympathy seeking. I was still suffering emotionally, I was surprised at how much I was still crying over incidents that occurred over 2 years ago. But this time I wanted to heal and not just vent and have a
pity party. When I began counseling, I came in with the understanding that I would figure out why I kept choosing abusive men. What was wrong with me and how not to do it again. But I hadn’t factored in many details. Most important one: Nothing was wrong with me!"

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